


Have Guitar, Will Confuse

by fictionalcandie



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Outing, Pre-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-14
Updated: 2010-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-25 19:52:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/956978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalcandie/pseuds/fictionalcandie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt has <em>feelings</em> about straight boys with guitars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Have Guitar, Will Confuse

“It’s so unfair,” complained Kurt during Glee one afternoon, as Puck was finishing up the solo song he’d insisted on sharing with the club for no apparent reason.

Mercedes raised her eyebrows. “What?”

“Straight boys with guitars,” Kurt muttered.

“Straight boys with guitars?” Puck repeated, coming back to his seat, still wearing his six-string. He looked amused. “You don’t even know any straight boys with guitars.”

Kurt scoffed. “Of course I do.”

“Yeah? Name one,” challenged Puck.

“Me?” Artie offered from a few seats away, looking almost scared to say anything. “Or, uh, maybe now’s not the time to mention that?”

“Shh,” hissed Tina. “I want to know where this is going.”

“No, come on,” urged Puck, ignoring the other Glee kids and taking a step closer to Kurt. “Other than Wheels. Name one.”

Kurt looked pointedly down at the guitar strapped across Puck’s chest, then back up to his face. Puck followed the motion; he blinked once, and started to laugh.

“Seriously? Dude.” He smiled down at Kurt and said (in the tone used by parents everywhere when explaining that, _yes_ , the sky is blue every single time you asked), “I’m _bi_.”

Several unconnected vowel sounds left Kurt’s mouth in response, but that was it.

“You’re shitting me,” Mercedes helpfully said for her friend.

Puck shook his head. “I never joke about my sexual reputation.”

Mr Schuester looked uncomfortable. “Guys—”

“Did you just… out yourself?” Kurt managed to gasp, ignoring their teacher.

“Of course not.” Puck smirked at the relieved look on Kurt’s face and added, “I’ve been out since I knew what sex _was_.”

He looked around at all the gaping faces, which constituted just about every face that had anything to do with Glee Club, and said, “I don’t even put my clothes in my closet. Why would I put myself in one?”

“No, this— I can’t believe this,” blurted Kurt, shaking his head. “This is ridiculous. You have never said a single thing to—”

“Really, Kurt?” Puck sighed, tugging his guitar strap off and sliding into the empty chair next to the smaller boy. “Just because I don’t go around announcing it to everyone doesn’t mean I’m trying to _hide_ it,” he said.

“Did _anyone_ know?” Mike asked from the back row, where he was sitting with Matt, the both of them looking frankly shell-shocked.

“I did,” said Brittany brightly. She smiled at Puck.

Kurt stared at her. “How did _you_ know?”

“Santana’s step-cousin Peter is hot,” she answered reasonably.

Kurt and the others turned to Santana for an explanation.

“They make out for us if we let them watch us make out,” Santana offered, shrugging. “It’s hot.”

“Really?” Kurt scoffed incredulously, turning from Santana to look at Puck. “You’re telling me that you’ve actually _kissed_ a boy?”

“Sure I have. I’ve kissed _lots_ of guys.” Wiggling his eyebrows, Puck smirked. “I’ve done more than kiss lots of guys.”

“… holy baby Jesus, he really _has_ slept with half of Lima,” groaned Mercedes.

Kurt was just staring, completely unable to form complete sentences. He folded and unfolded his hands restlessly, reaching up repeatedly to fix his still-perfect hair. “But, why would you— How would you— _When_ would you—”

“When you’re trying to score with high school students at thirteen, it’s easier if you’re sucking cock than trying to shove your dick some place nothing’s ever been.” Puck shrugged, smirking. “Besides, I fucking love sucking cock.”

“Guys, this is _really_ not an appropriate—” Mr Schuester tried again, but unsurprisingly, none of the kids were listening to him. He sank down onto the piano bench next to Brad and dropped his head into his hands.

“If you’re really bi, and you actually love… _that_ …” Kurt shook his head uncomprehendingly. “Then why did you throw me in dumpsters for being gay?!”

Puck sighed long-sufferingly. “I never threw you in dumpsters for _being gay_ , Hummel.”

“But… then… why?”

“Because you were totally in the closet, dude, which meant you were off limits. It pissed me off.” Puck shrugged. “And it was a really great excuse for manhandling, since I happen to like touching you. Those stupid clothes you’re obsessed with, though, that was the main reason.”

“I knew it!” exclaimed Kurt. “You _were_ trying to destroy my couture!”

“ _No_ ,” insisted Puck slowly, “I was trying to show that I don’t _care_ about your… couture. You’d be just as cute without it.”

“… I’m pretty sure bullying is not supposed to be _adorable_ ,” Santana contemptuously muttered to the room at large. They all ignored her, except Brittany, who patted her thigh sympathetically.

Puck had his head tilted to one side and he was leering at a speechless Kurt. “Actually,” he offered, “you’re probably even _cuter_ without it.”

“I… thank you?” stammered Kurt, blushing.

“Mm.” Puck stared at the pink spreading across Kurt’s skin. “Definitely hotter naked.”

“ _Puck_ ,” interjected Mr Schuester pleadingly, without removing his face from his hands. “ _Please_.”

“Hang on,” Rachel blurted, frowning. “If you picked on Kurt because you _liked_ him, why did you slushy _me_ so much?”

“Because you’re annoying,” Puck scoffed. “Plus, just about anything I’ve ever seen you wear is _hideous_.”

For some reason, this made Kurt gape at him. Puck frowned. “What?”

“… you really are gay,” muttered Kurt.

“Bi, dude. _Bi_.” Puck shook his head exasperatedly.

“But I don’t understand,” Finn complained loudly, drawing everyone’s attention suddenly, and frowning at Puck. “I was your best friend since we were, like, _nine_. How could you not tell me something like that?”

Puck stared at him blankly. “Finn,” he said in a flat voice, “you _know_ I’m bi.”

“You never said!”

“You’ve _seen_ me with guys. Dude, I _taught you how to kiss_ ,” retorted Puck incredulously. “That didn’t tip you off at all?”

“You did _what_?” demanded Kurt, Quinn and Rachel in unison, voices climbing the scales.

“It’s like we don’t know you guys at all,” Artie murmured, looking at the two jocks with wide eyes.

“Makes you wonder what else Puck’s hiding.”

“Go ahead and wonder,” said Puck, looking smug. “I’ve got _nothing_ to be ashamed of.”

More than one pair of eyes dropped immediately to Puck’s crotch.

Puck looked even more smug.

“ _Guys_ ,” Mr Schuester broke in stridently. “Seriously, that is _enough_. We’re supposed to be _singing_ , here!”

The kids were silent a few moments, before the first of them managed to shake off their surprise. Rachel turned pointedly away from Puck, and cleared her throat.

“Right,” said Finn, turning away a beat after his girlfriend. “Sorry, Mr Schue.”

One by one, the rest of the Glee kids focused their attention on Mr Schuester as well, until it was just Kurt staring at the wall across the room, and Puck staring at Kurt.

“So, do you believe I’m bi yet?” muttered Puck, leaning over so only Kurt could hear him, and they wouldn’t interrupt whatever Mr Schuester had started talking about.

Kurt arched an eyebrow. “I’m considering it.”

Puck leered at him. “You should let me prove it to you,” he declared.

“Oh?” asked Kurt, his other eyebrow joining the first. “I’m assuming you have something particular in mind?”

“Let me come over after school,” Puck suggested. “I’ll… clean your pool.”

Kurt visibly considered for a few moments. “Come over at 7. We can discuss it.”

Puck smirked.

—

Mercedes cornered Puck by his locker before first period started the next day.

“You need to explain to me why Kurt told me last night that you were coming over, and then I didn’t hear from him again,” she declared, glaring.

“What?” he blurted, blinking in surprise. “Aretha? What are you talking about?”

She crossed her arms. “I’m talking about complete radio silence, that’s what I’m talking about.”

“… I’m still not seeing your point. What does this have to do with me?”

“If you hurt my boy, your balls will be nothing but a memory,” Mercedes told him threateningly.

Puck stared at her bewilderedly. “Seriously. What are you _talking_ about? Orgasms don’t hurt people, Aretha.”

Mercedes frowned. “You seriously—”

“Gotta go,” Puck said abruptly, cutting her off as he caught sight of something at the other end of the hall. He started to grin widely, and walked away at a faster pace than usual. Mercedes glared at his back.

Down the hallway, Puck ran into Kurt — who had been smiling in a highly dopy fashion at nothing in particular as he walked — and knocked him into the nearest wall of lockers. Mercedes was about to shriek indignantly, even several yards away, but Puck immediately followed the smaller body with his own, pinning it in place. He smirked down at Kurt, who smirked back. Kurt said something too soft for anyone else to catch, and Puck laughed, leaning down to lick at a purpling mark on the side of Kurt’s neck.

“… okay, then,” Mercedes said to the hallway crowded with gaping, totally confused students.

**Author's Note:**

> This work can also be read [on Dreamwidth](http://gailsauce.dreamwidth.org/67600.html?style=site) or [on LiveJournal](http://gailsauce.livejournal.com/68152.html).


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